写给未来老婆的一封忏悔书–by豪迈(horror)

写给未来老婆的一封忏悔书

–by豪迈(horror)

?题记:卢梭曾有一篇忏悔录,我无才无德,谨以此忏悔书向我命中的她忏悔。

?? ?首先,在此道歉,前一篇虽然说的是我的心里话,但确实有些欠妥。个人认为,60%真心话,20%气话,20%也许只是为了心理安慰。许多人认为男人不受伤,我只能说,男人不会受伤的死去活来。下面才是这篇日志的主体。

忏悔,不是后悔。即使是错也不悔改,因为无法挽回,同时毕竟那是曾经自己认为的正确,是成长的记录。改了,将错的没有价值,换句话,白错了。后悔的是过程,自己没能努力的做得更好;但后悔的不是结果,那是自己一切所为的回报。

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对不起,未来的老婆,没能很早遇到你,注定不能给你我纯真的感情。虽然现在我依然真诚并且努力的爱你,但我不想骗你,我无法回到从前了。和你相处、相恋,不管你是否在意,我都要向你忏悔以下几件事(初恋,初吻,耐心,爱情观念,评价。。。)

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曾经有过一段校园故事,也许能算初恋,也许只是纯真的少年的朦胧爱情,没有开始、但有结束。柏拉图,当时不明白,却莫名的做到了,但我不感到光荣。现在想来,当时是真的很傻,真的不配得到那份感情。三年的无为,以为可以埋藏到心底,默默的祝福就可以了。三年后的天各一方,虽然心有所系,奈何流水无情。第七年,以为就要步入社会了,突然有所悟,觉得应该追求自己的爱情,抱着对初恋的执着(执念),真的想有一个完美的结局。结果毫无疑问,曾经四年的无所作为,哪里还有资格要求什么?

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虽然内心难以割舍,慢慢接受现实。八年,终于明白,我的性格,我的不努力,注定了结局。虽然直到八年半之前,还曾经会幻想,如果她回头,我也许还会犹豫。直到听到她有男友,我明白,我会祝她幸福。至此,没有真正意义上的牵手、拥抱。

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曾经,以为这次不是纯粹的一厢情愿了,以为两个人都在努力。后来才发现,在她眼中也许我远远没达到要求。冷冰冰的唇,根本没有企盼的温度。

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对爱情的耐心和投入,总是越来越谨慎。曾经为了一个人,可以百般讨好,只为那个虚无的感觉。十字绣抱枕,三个月的耐心,同样的事情很难再发生了。其实自己心里明白,也很抵触,用别人造成的后果来惩罚后来人,可是心结需要时间的。

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曾经想,分手后我一定要找个比前XX条件好的,证明自己不是只能选择前XX;或者找一个比前XX条件差的,证明不是自己要求高。其实那是气话,有什么好比的,就是天仙,如果不喜欢你,拼死拼活追来有什么用?就为了折磨彼此?关键要找合适的,两个人向一起走,才幸福。

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亲爱的老婆,对不起。我现在即将步入社会,妄图能够得到一份长时间相处的爱情,没有功利因素。因为在上学,觉得可以顺便慢慢发展。不想工作后,没有个人时间,通过父母或朋友相亲,草草结婚。因为我很不愿相亲,相亲意味着没有过去的共同经历、没有长时间的耐心了解、开端不是发自内心的感情升华,更多的盲目因素和容易被表面现象所左右。是中间人认为两个人不错,但合在一起却可能是水火。而我现在却认可了相亲,至少为我这样的人创造了见面、了解,产生火焰的机会,虽然未必合适。

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曾经,认为柏拉图式爱情很高尚,现在依然如此,但我意识到我没有那么高尚。曾经以为,两个人相爱就行,可以谈五年、十年。但现在毕业了,不是上学时有的是时间,我也有工作,有朋友,有生活。我发觉越来越不懂爱情,越来越迟钝,不知道如何判断爱情。我很保守,但不是旧社会,我不会走在最前,但也不会走在最后。

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在此,想告诉你,我爱你,也会争取努力的做到更好。但不要和她们比,那是过去。同时,本人在此郑重的征婚,希望能和命中的她最终走到一起。

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下面是我的一些观念和状况:

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今年刚刚毕业正式工作,因此,无房无车无多少存款。虽然说刚毕业有情可原,但是自己以近30的年纪一无所有有点惭愧,以后会加倍努力;个人相信一见钟情,同时也承认可遇不可求;本人有点保守,并且目前结过婚的不再考虑范围,所以会有点男人通病;另外,还没有对爱情绝望,还相信通过努力能够找到彼此相爱的人,所以不会只见两面没有感情就结婚,希望能多见面、多交流,同时也希望能在两年内结婚;另外,针对爱情,我不喜欢试婚,不喜欢先上车后买票,至少这两年不会;耽美,最新学到的词,很佩服,也觉得有道理,但那是爱而不是生活,是纯粹的美与美之间的爱,我要的是男女之爱,是有后续生活的。对此,我本人,不支持、不反对、不参与;如果两人不合适,只要不是彼此背叛,个人认为应该好聚好散,分手后可以是生死之交的,我只能做到依然会好朋友对待,但不能勉强别人的看法;我可以向你走99步,但如果没有回应,我不敢再向你继续走99步。

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当然也说说要求:本人83,到87都可接受;>155cm(本人172cm),丰满可以,不能太胖(只是个人审美观点,没有歧视,请不要拍砖);打算在北京发展或者家是河北。

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我还有信念,所以希望能彼此理解:我是旅客,不是游客;只重今生,不修来世;你再美、再能干,不爱我有什么用,不是要你来当花瓶的;你不结婚不敢信任我,我不信任你不愿结婚,说明你不是非我不嫁,我不是非你不娶。这不是死局,在于没有感情根基,可以通过交流、沟通发展感情;有人说因为爱过不是仇人,因为伤过不是朋友。我反对最熟悉的陌生人,不在一起不是谁伤害谁(背叛除外),而是各种因素家庭、父母、观念、了解程度,所以因为爱过,就是生死之交,但没有伤,我依然会真心对待,只是不是婚姻,不是爱情。

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2010-07-22#21:21:18

51 thoughts on “写给未来老婆的一封忏悔书–by豪迈(horror)

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